I've never had one!As a child I thought I had 3 Best Friends but looking back, they were not what I'd call true friends after all.
One friend was only there when it was convenient for her and even then our conversations were focused around her and what was going on in her life. When she lost weight and found a boyfriend, that's when I really lost what I thought was my friend. There was no more time for the other 3 amigos, it was all about her new love.
The 2nd friend was one that I spent a lot of time with. We went through many happy and sad times together and I was there through them all. I even stuck around after I found out that she really liked the same guy I did. In my opinion, as a teenager, friends were more important to me than what boy I had a crush on at the time. That all changed when I called her a BITCH the 2nd time it happened, only this time it was my steady boyfriend that she chose to see for months behind my back. I ended up apologizing to HER and broke it off with my boyfriend trying to mend the broken fence. But... because I called her a bitch for dating MY boyfriend behind MY back, SHE stopped talking to ME... not just for a few weeks, for years.! It wasn't until our other friend passed away that we even reconciled, if you can even call it that. Our friendship now is that of yearly calls and Christmas Cards.
The 3rd friend in the group, was really more of an acquaintance now that I look at. We hung out because our families knew each other, nothing more nothing less.
Now I'm an adult and it's sad for me to say that I've never had a best friend. I think I gave up on that idea long ago, very long ago. When the 3 people you think are your best friends as a child don't listen to your thoughts and your ideas, cheat with your boyfriend and then turn around and walk away from the friendship, and when the 3rd friend you finally realize played no important roll in your life... it's pretty easy to figure out why you don't form close relationships with people as an adult. I don't trust many people in my life, in fact very few.
I've tried to form relationships as an adult, but I always find the same 3 I had as a child. I either find one that is so self absorbed that I can't stand to be around them for any length of time, I find one that could care less what I have to say (looking through me as I speak, not at me), or I find the occasional acquaintance. They don't care about me and then I end up caring even less about them!
Maybe one day I'll find that friend, but for now I'm OK with just me.
6 comments:
And then you have those friends that enjoy calling out your mistakes to make themselves feel better. Who needs enemies with friends like that?
Anonymous = ME, shellbell @ BTWOV!
Hi Shelley, I hope that one day you can find a true friendship, because when you do it's wonderful. I found it with Stephanie and because of her I know you; very interesting posting.
Dianna Green
I hope you find your true friendship, but you need to step out from Behind The Walls of Vanderwilt.
Stephanie Campbell
Shelley...I am sad to read your true feelings about friendship, especially since I know the players in your story. You were always one of the most genuine people in my life, every though we were young. I, too, have strayed away from friendships of my youth, but I feel that at a moments notice, those friends would be there when needed. My family and profession keep me busy now, but I would drop everything to help a friend in need - you included...
Stephanie Turner
Well, I don't know if my feeling should be hurt or just assume that you're not talking about me:) I pray that you saw our friendship as one that was real because we shared some pretty deep stuff...remember? Anyway, I'm going to assume that you weren't talking about me and be grateful for the awesome friendship that we shared. And yes, I miss you STILL since you moved to TX and you haven't come to visit me ONCE when you have returned home. But I understand. Blessings and I miss you, Melodie
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